Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth - look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity, and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus could be intended for enjoyment. --Søren Aabye Kierkegaard

what is that private cause that a person has to create, to bring meaning in their existence? of course this isn't a question to be answered, but to be experienced. in every day, in the space of the private terrible moments i answer and reanswer this. there is so much, to feel to exist within, but both moments described in the quote were moments of blackness, when consciousness evades you. how are you expected to remember how to live, to really live if the moments in which you do are blotted out, are too heavy for remembrance? or is that the true task, to recreate it in an infinitude of different ways, the moments of life of anguish and joy? this something kierkegaard mentions, this life, is it a repetition of births and deaths, perhaps there is nothing in between